I read an article on The Atlantic about two married couples getting a house together in D.C. so they could split the mortgage and other household duties “for the next few decades hopefully”. While I have lived with roommates for most of my college years and the first few years as a professional, I always thought about living on my own as the last step to being a grown-up.
Living with people mostly was a financial decision in my case. Only once did I live with a friend and more friends of his, the rest of the time I just got a room with complete strangers and hoped we got along. When I moved to the UK it was bumpy at first, I had horrible roommates in all three houses I rented, landlords didn’t give a crap about repairs, people were loud, splitting the bills was hell every month… so when I bought my own place, I was very careful to choose roommates I thought I could get along with.
But being polite, doing small talk about your day or lending someone a yogurt is miles away from actually deciding to get a mortgage with friends, binding your life to them for the next 30 years. Turns out one of the couples in this story is already expecting and all four are happy to welcome a baby into their lives. They talk about shared parenting, letting the parents-to-be have a date night once in a while, and so on. Their main point is not to rely just on their spouse as a source of moral and financial support.
I can imagine how that would work with a couple of close friends, but still, being pretty independent, I would need well defined quarters that would be only mine. No trespassing from them or their kid, ever. Having a big house with a big yard, more space for everyone is certainly a big perk, as they live in D.C.. Not sure it would make much sense in a lower cost of living area, where you can get your own house and yard without repaying 120% of your salary into it every month. If living with other people would allow me to have the extra living room and kitchen space I want to be comfortable and invite guests once in a while, and at the same time have a slightly bigger room, since the price per sqm tends to lower for bigger properties, I may consider it.
However, the couple would have to be really in sync in terms of lifestyle. You don’t know your friends well until you have lived with them for a while. I’d probably give it a try in a rental for a few month before taking the leap. And while it may be fun as new parents to learn together and a way to share the burden of sleepless nights and constant loads of dirty laundry, over the long term I can’t really see the pros of doing this with teenagers, or as empty nesters.
Imagine once you retire, the four of you are around the house all the time? Sure, you can play bridge and garden together, even be a caretaker to the first to get sick, but it seems even weirder an arrangement once the kids are out of the picture.
In the end I guess I am happy just living with my other half at the moment. Maybe as an overwhelmed parent I’d appreciate the help, but before committing to a couple of friends I think I’d rather take in an aging parent or a broke sibling.
What about you? Would you take a mortgage with your best friends to split the bills and chores?
I think if you set yourself up for success with a permanent situation, making sure you had lots of alone space and boundaries and guidelines it might be making the best of both worlds. I had my sister and BIL living with us for only about a month when they were between houses. It was alright, but when you live closely with people like that you sure learn their lifestyle differences quickly. When they don’t jive with yours, it can be difficult. That would be key in picking another couple to live with. Broke sibling does not seem like a good idea (unless they were temporarily broke – remember lifestyle differences). Aging parent would be good but would probably require adjustment and hopefully on both sides!
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To be completely frank, I’m not entirely sure that I can share a house with my spouse for the next few decades…..let alone another couple. But, even with that being said, of course sharing a house is a great way to save money! If it work for them, then I guess what is there to lose ?
Well if over 60% of couples get divorced, the odds are pretty bad for those four that they will both stay together forever. I wonder if they would bring the new spouse into the mix 🙂
It seems like it could be a good idea in theory, but for some reason I don’t see it ending up well. I would rather live in a small, more affordable place and call it my own or just share it with my hubby or boyfriend, then have to have roommates.
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Depending on roommates to pay the mortgage is a big risk for sure, and not ideal since you can’t get rid of them when you want.
I wouldn’t mind having roommates while renting, but getting a mortgage sounds like a very big commitment. Like Tonya says, it sounds good in theory, but it could go horribly wrong. I don’t think I would do it.
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Yes, it is like getting in business with friends or family, if everything goes well it’s great, but if not, it is hell.
Fascinating stuff. Friends of ours (two couples) own a house together, but it has two units, with the same square footage, so they each live in their own half. They have a contract about how they will treat selling, taxes, major repairs, etc. that they created before they purchased together. It has worked out quite well for them so far, allowing them to have a very low mortgage payment each (less than rent, amazingly enough).
It’s not a situation for everyone, but at least they have very clearly defined areas and privacy.
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It looks like they operate like any homeowner association, except they are friends. I could work with two separate units, but I don’t know about sharing a bathroom and kitchen.
Buying a house with friends I simply cannot imagine.
I could imagine renting out rooms to help with the mortgage.
That sounds better so you can get rid of them when you want to be on your own again.
I just don’t see this working out in more than very rare cases. Very rare. From the perspective of someone who has raised kids and is approaching retirement, I can see some things that may happen in people’s lives that bring big changes. As a strong couple, you give and take and weather the changes. When you have children, every decision involves considering the of the impact on them–some decisions are made *because* of the kids, whose needs change as they grow. Then there are outside forces that force change.
My point is that a 30 year mortgage is not just about “lifestyle” but a bout 30 years of “real life.” And Sh&T Happens.
Ha! it certainly does. I guess if the friendship is as strong as being siblings you can get over loss, couple crisis and so on but you have to be very open with the other family.
When I mentioned this thread to my Hubz, his response was that there can be enough chaos involved in getting yourselves and your kids together and settled without bringing anyone else into the situation…even family. I think everyone would have to have a certain temperament to make this work. I don’t think I have that temperament 🙂
I’ll be really brief here: NO. I couldn’t wait to live life without sharing living space with strangers even when I was young. And frankly, it is hard enough to share with your partner/husband/wife etc. It even gets hard to share with your children when they grow up. So, no!
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I’m not sure how I feel about sharing an apartment when/if I reach that point in my life. Rather mixed on it! But I’d say that these are difficult financial times for many people. The idea that I might do this may become more appealing and/or necessary…
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Sharing a house with friends when I was a student was fine. When you’re young, you put up with a lot more, eg loud music, people not doing chores. I can’t see myself being so tolerant these days.
Sharing like the couples depicted in your post, I can only see it as a means to an end, something shorter term so that both couples can save and invest their money while only paying a cheap mortgage and then selling the house before moving on (separately).
I can’t ever imagine entering into that type of arrangement as my privacy is so important. The old saying that a good high fence makes for good neighbors is pretty much my philosophy. I can find a lot better ways of saving money and my sanity.