I am pretty lucky that we are not big on Christmas gifts in my family, so I generally get something for my brother, sister and mother, and a box of chocolate or a bottle of Champagne for whoever is hosting Christmas that year.
As kids, we were never expected to give gifts, but as a teenager, when I started making my own money, I remember going through a great deal of trouble to get everyone gifts, even for my uncles and cousins, who would seldom reciprocate. What I disliked the most is that my gifts were never really thoughtful, cousins would get a CD or a t-shirt, uncles and aunts something decorative. It was clutter for everyone, something they wouldn’t have gotten for themselves and a total waste of my hard earned money. They pretended to like it, I pretended to be happy to give, it was a big lie all over.
So after a while I decided to stop gifting, which was fine during my broke student years. But now that I make decent money, I feel like people expect better gifts. Especially a few people who are broke, not because they chose to work in an NGO and make minimum wage, but because their 3 year-old has an iPad and designer clothes. So they would justify their cheap-ass gift by saying it’s been a tough year (of going out every Friday and Saturday night), and when I talk about the property I bought, not to brag but because they asked, they look at me like I am a millionaire and was really cheap getting them only one gift for the pair.
I feel like overall, there is too much pressure on gift giving. Try to go back to last Christmas, can you remember everything you got? One thing? Who gave it to you? Can you do the same for Christmas 1998? I can remember maybe 10 gifts over my adult life. But I remember most Christmas dinners, who was there, the oyster opening ceremony, the foie gras, the candles, the midnight mass and hot chocolate afterwards.
I don’t think one should give more because you make more, especially if there is a gap between you and your parents, or you and your siblings, you will only embarrass them for not giving you such a nice thing. And the state of the art blender will look weird in their old kitchen anyway.
Some of the gifts I have got the best results with were thoughtful gifts, that took me time to make. Like the time I made a personalized calendar with digital photos of the family, and reminders of everyone’s birthday. It was awesome because everyone got one (no individual gift shopping), I did it online (no crazy last minute Christmas shopping), and it was about $10 a piece. People got to enjoy their calendar all year long, but it is also disposable if you wish to, so no long term clutter and hurt feelings when you realize your Christmas gift sold for £0.50 at last summer’s garage sale.
Furthermore as a kid, even if I make more than my mum, I still play my role of 34 year old kid getting her a small gift instead of extravagances to show off how much I make. She taught me the value of hard work and savings and lives a frugal life, so little treats make her happy, but big gestures would make her uncomfortable. Generally we get her perfumes and expensive creams or bath salts, and last Christmas she got tickets to a musical she wanted to see and went with my sister.
I think it is bad taste for you to shower your family with more money than you were used to receiving as a kid. If your parents give £20 gifts, give them something under £50. Unless they are struggling financially, in which case I’d rather pay their electric bill than get them another piece of junk.
And if your friends and extended family are disappointed because you didn’t give them a gift in tune with your improved financial status, they are jerks. You may justify that you have other goals like giving to charity or starting your kids’ college fund, but if they need an explanation, they probably just came to spend Christmas with your for the free food and the expected gift.
I am completely agree with this post!!!
We’ve given up gift giving for most of our family. I give my Dad a food basket and my kids maybe some money or something they need. Now that I have a grandson we will give him a gift and also some money for his college fund. It’s much less stress and you can enjoy the holiday period more.
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That is for sure much better to have some family time around Christmas than running around the shops like crazy.
The whole idea behind gift giving at certain times of the year because you’re expected to is… weird. I’m trying to get better about buying a friend a gift anytime of the year, if I think it’s something they need. For example, I was at a friend’s apartment baking dessert and noticed she didn’t have any measuring spoons/cups. So the next week I sent her some. Super cheap gift but something she needed! And who cares that it wasn’t given during December or for a birthday.
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That is a great way to show your friends you care any time of the year! I don’t like the Christmas pressure but marketers have done a fine job of pushing people to buy..
We used to lavish gifts on each other, even when the cash wasn’t there! Only a few years ago we played the ‘Keeping Up With The Joneses’ game and thought the children needed everything their friends had, just to be happy.
In recent times this has changed. Now instead of spending a fortune on gifts, we concentrate on the things that count like being a family and creating special memories that will stay with us a lot longer than any iPad or new pair of trainers would.
Ultimately, everyone likes giving and receiving gifts but I believe it’s the thought that counts rather than how much the gifts are valued at.
Ricky aka Skint Dad
Ricky | The Skint Dad Blog recently posted..Christmas Isn’t Magic Anymore
Very true. I remember some super cheap homemade gifts more than random expensive ones.
OMG! My mom so needs to read this post! When we were kids, my mom was all about gifting big to everyone but us. Like we had to make people think that we were rich or something. Gift within family were strictly if an budget if any at all! I have not been able to break her out of it even now. OK, she is doing lot better and can afford it now but still **rolling eyes**. I am expected to give ‘nice’ gifts to everyone too cause I am doing better than most in the extended family. But I don’t. I give gifts to friends and few close relatives on birthdays or when I find something that just makes me think of them, I don’t make a big production of it. It’s just so nice to hear you and others say that here cause in my family I always feel like the ‘Grinch who wont gift big’.
PS: I love all your blogs Pauline
Thank you Bianca! I would be pretty annoyed if my mother gave better gifts to my cousins instead of me. Thankfully she has no need to pretend! That must be tough, even if it is just for show, to see distant relatives get better presents.