Society has programmed us to think that talking about money is so taboo. We purchase expensive cars, big houses, updated electronics, and designer clothing to present as if we have money and that is fine, if affordable. But the moment we are asked the price tag of the new phone, the mortgage payment or our salary, we are frowned upon almost immediately.
With such a bad stigma associated with conversation about income, debt totals, or price tags, it’s not unusual for two individuals to be together and not have a money conversation at all. But shouldn’t it be unusual? If you are living with a significant other or planning on it or, more importantly about to get married, shouldn’t money, financial planning, and credit be a prioritized discussion? Don’t you think it’s important to understand how your special someone, that you may be planning a life with, thinks about their money as well as yours?
If talking about money is a touchy subject, but a necessary one to address there are fun ways to go about it. If you are finding it difficult to just be direct with the questions then start the conversation with “not so direct, funny, or hypothetical transitional questions to ease you into the conversation. Even a little understanding about how that special someone views money is better than no understanding at all, or worse, an assumption of their understanding of money.
Below are a different types of transitional questions that could be used to generate the necessary conversation about money. One or all may be needed to gain a true understanding of how and what your significant other thinks about money.
IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
This question is asked often but in a “not so serious” way, however could still be used to generate your “very serious conversation” about money. Asking this question should provide insight on how money is valued as well as how “smart” that special someone is with their money or would be with a lot of money. Ideally, the answer should include ideas of investments, giving, and paid debts. Ideas for creating passive income that requires reduced or no work are also great. Answers that include big invaluable purchases (cars, electronics, clothes) would be considered risky and less ideal.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH AN AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD?
Very similar to the question above in concept, however this question should provide insight on views and values of credit. The ideal answer would be to not even have a credit card. However, some people utilize credit for emergencies. Again, a not so ideal answer would include expensive items that do not add value to life but do add debt.
The answer to this question should be further considered either way and should be dependent on your personal views of credit. Some people consider any debt bad debt and attempt to avoid all debt as much as possible. Other’s understand the concept of credit but are adamant about using it responsibly to include paying balances in full. And then there are the credit consumers that consider credit as a resource to add meaningless value to life and are irresponsible. The ideal answer would be the one most comparable to yours views and values of credit.
BILLS ARE FOR LOSERS.
This is more of a statement than a question and the sarcasm should be noticeable in your voice. Either way this should provide insight on responsibility and priority as well as the understanding of their concept of needs versus wants. Ideally, the answer would be absolutely not! Bills are necessary we just should not have a bunch of them (but less corny sounding) It’s obvious what the “not so ideal” answer would be.
RENT OR OWN?
The question about renting over owning and vice versa, in my opinion, is a good question to an overall conclusion of all aspects mentioned above. Additionally, it should provide some insight on how the special person thinks about the future as well as how they plan for it. It’s hard to say what an ideal answer would be for because it is, again, dependent on your goals and future plans.
Additional Questions:
The questions below can be used to continue to fuel the conversation as well as gain a deeper understanding.
- Would you chose a private school or state university?
- Where do you see yourself in x years?
- What do you want to do with the rest of your life?
- Do you hoard or eliminate?
- Are you happy at your job?
Additional Tips:
These tips are helpful to keep the line of communication open and avoid an unpleasant experience, shut down, or argument.
- Beware of body language
- Reiterate to ensure understanding
- Avoid judgements
- Listen and be open
- Attempt compromise
- Remain Positive
The conversation of money is not one that is specific to significant others. This conversation is also necessary to have with children and needs to be an ongoing conversation appropriate with age. You may also find the conversation necessary to have with siblings or relatives that appear to be irresponsible with their money to provide some insight of how they too think of their money.
If you haven’t had this conversation, go NOW! If you have and one or all answers to your questions are less than ideal, it does not have to be the end all be all of the relationship. Many americans struggle with consumer debt, student loan debt, and money mismanagement. Fortunately, there are resources available to assist with getting out of debt, changing your mindset and how you think about money as well how to and what to invest in to begin or continue to build wealth.
Hi! I’m Shirria, wife, mother of five, full time Social Worker, and now blogger at Goal Digging to Happiness! I enjoy spending time with my family, reading, and jogging. I have recently discovered a new interest in baking, but we’ll see how long that last. Like and follow Goal Digging to Happiness on Facebook, and Twitter @Diggingtohappy!